what the hell was Luke's rescue plan in Return Of The Jedi?

I am a huge fan of Star Wars, and as a fan i believe it's good to criticise just as much as you praise it, and i'll be the first to admit that Star Wars is jam packed with things to criticise

                                                                 (some, a LOT more than others....)

Now i'm not writing today about the poor planning of the prequels, the mis-management of the franchise by George Lucas, or how Chewie should have got a medal just as much as he should have got a hug AFTER HIS BEST FRIEND JUST DIED!

                        (this is a race thing, isn't it?)                         

No, today, i will be dissecting one Luke Skywalker's incredible elaborate plan to rescue his ol' buddy Han Solo from a gangster slug, a plan so elaborate, it has multiple set ups, most of which have no payback.

1. have Lando infiltrate Jabba's palace.   

so you've just had your hand cut off, your best friend has been captured, and you found out your dad is a magic cyborg samurai nazi, you also discover that two of these scenarios occured because one guy made a deal with said cyborg nazi dad, and now he's wearing your best friend's clothes and sitting in his chair, so who is the first guy you'd pick to get the ball rolling on this rescue plan

                                                         (nah you're right, i couldn't say no to that smile)

but here's where the first problem occurs, Lando is notorious among the criminal underworld, and if you've seen Star Wars Rebels, this guy likes to announce who he is more than James Bond at a spy convention, so what's the name he uses to go undercover as one of Jabba's goons?

Lando.

He uses his own name to infiltrate a criminal enterprise, and he's damn lucky Jabba is high on whatever he's smoking, because he doesn't even suspect a thing, but hey, maybe Lando is like Dave, or Bort.

                                                       ("my son also happens to be called Lando!")

Maybe he could sneak the rest of the guys in through a hidden passage, or open the front door for a full on attack, or

2. c3po and r2d2 walk in by themselves.

3PO and r2 literally knock on the front door and ask to see Jabba, first they have to deal with an obnoxious door droid, who almost doesn't let them in, that would have put an end to that plan, they would have just stood outside until Leia and Chewie show up, looking like a couple of idiots who forgot their house keys, and we all know what happened the last time these two were left in a desert by themselves.

                                                 (no good ever came from hooded guys with guns)

They're then greeted by Bib Fortuna, who owns possibly the greatest name in Star Wars, who tried to screw them out of seeing Jabba, again, luckily, he let's them in.

finally they get an audience with jabba, which R2 them plays a holographic projection of Luke, saying the droids are a gift, jabba accepts, but heres the problem, what if Jabba already had droids? more advanced ones at that, Jabba is rich and powerful, 3PO was made by a little boy in a workshop, so he's at least 30 years old, that's like offering someone a Nokia in the age of Iphones, and we know what Jabba does to droids he doesn't want anymore.

                                                           ("all i said was he could lose some weight!)

and as we find out later, R2 is pretty crucial to Luke's plan, or at least what he's housing inside him is, if R2 was destroyed, Luke is going to look pretty dumb after he does his springboard backflip later on.

   ("anytime now R2........R2?")

3. Leia goes undercover, get's herself and Chewie caught.

step 3 seems like the most likely step to get results, until it doesn't. Leia, unlike Mr Calrissian, actually uses a different name and persona to infiltrate the palace, she dresses as the bounty hunter Boushh ,not only that but she uses Chewbacca as a prop prisoner, the very bounty she's supposedly hunted and a bounty Jabba is very much going to be pleased with considering he was the one who placed it, she even manages to haggle, albiet with a thermal detonator as a insentive, so not only is Leia's plan going well, she's got some cash out of it

                                             (that's going to pay for some new swanky cloud city ensembles)

now what's the next step? get Lando to free Chewie from the prison he now finds himself in? maybe use that thermal detonator on everyone while they're sleeping? or how about wait until everyone is supposedly asleep, wake up Han from the Incredibly loud carbon freezing deactivation process, and get yourself caught?!

ah.

Now we're left with all but one of the rescuers captured, Luke, the mastermind behind this plan, is the only one left to save Han, and everybody else

4. Luke walks in by himself.

Luke, now sans-friends, walks into Jabba's palace by himself, chokes out a couple of guards, no-sells Bib Fortuna's bullshit, and goes straight up to Jabba while he's sleeping, also Leia is now wearing a costume that will activate a generation's x-genes

                                                                                               (Snikt')

Jabba is pissed, not only has he been woken up from a nap, he's got a hooded delinquent giving him demands, what does Luke do to calm the situation? tries to mind trick Jabba, which fails.

what's his next act? well the wizard shit didn't work, better try and smoke this slug with a blaster! and it would have worked, if not for the elaborate trap door he's standing on that leads to a giant kebab monster.

                                                              (you want relish with your kebab monster?)

This has escalated to a point that nobody could have seen, this was not part of the plan, fighting a giant murder beast wasn't part of the plan, everybody is captured (except Lando) and Luke is going to die, luckily he's got a mean throw and giant murder beast's only weakness is doors dropping on his fucking neck, Luke gets a reprieve, for now.

5. Everybody is relocated to Jabba's sail barge, a clusterfuck ensues.

Now Jabba is mega pissed, he wants to make a statement, he's got Chewie and Han out of prison to join Luke, all three of them are going to be executed by being thrown into the Sarlaac, a giant anus in the desert that likes to savour it's meals over a thousand years or so. great.

On Jabba's sweet ass sail barge, everybody is present except for Luke, Han (who is still partially blind from the carbonite freezing) and Chewie, who are on a smaller ship about to walk the plank, R2D2 is on the deck of the barge, waiting for Luke to spring(board) his trap, it was all an elaborate ruse in order to get Luke access to R2, who currently holds his Lightsaber, and it's all going great!

until it isn't.

Luke gets snagged by Boba Fett, who has decided that he's going to get up close and personal with a guy with a laser sword, he knows full well that doesn't work out well.

                                                     (And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spo-)

Good thing Han is around for some good ol' slapstick, by literally slapping a stick he's holding into Boba's jet pack, shooting him across the sky smack bang into the barge where he hilariously rolls into the Sarlaacs mouth never to be seen again (fuck the expanded universe, he's dead!). 

Did i mention Lando is hanging off one of the ships and is close to getting chomped too? boy, this plan sure is working out swimmingly! while all this madness is going on, Leia decides that this bullshit has gone on long enough and she's going to choke out Jabba with her kinky slave chain, thus achieving what Luke could have done if he'd just took his lightsaber with him and started wailing on fools.

Luke shanks a bunch of goons, Lando is saved by blind Han, Leia blows up the Barge and the Droids are picked up before they all jet off, successful in their rescue of one man, and all it took was one part time job interview, multiple imprisonments, an attempted execution and a shit loud of murder.

                                                                     ("another win for the good guys!")